The Emperor, he wears no clothes!

So, I teach. I teach English to high school students in a small city in Japan. Some people would call me a teacher, those in my profession working for the Board of Education, we call ourselves ALTs. Assistant Language Teacher. It means that we are not allowed to teach a classroom by ourselves. In some cases, we aren't allowed to participate in the lesson planning process, we are only allowed to be a record player of "natural English."  I am one of the lucky ones who has the liberty of designing the class lesson either with my coworkers or by myself. But, therein lies the problem. 

Designing a class lesson. 

In a world where labels are used to identify many aspects of who you are and where you belong. I feel a bit odd wearing the one labeled, TEACHER. There is nothing on my CV or Resume that would certify me under that title. In fact, I think that archaeological technician, accounting assistant, and department salesperson are no where near what certifies me as someone fit to be at the head of a foreign language class. Yet, here I am. Worrying myself into a frenzy. Spending hours reading and researching ideas for lessons. I make worksheets and review workbooks to try to find the right materials to bring to class. I live with the daily discomfort that the people I work along side actually have the correct education and experience to be leading the classroom. So, why put me in charge? 

It seems to me, that I complain (mostly to myself, occasionally jokingly with my coworkers)  about the textbook. As a native speaker of English I find the conversations unrealistic, lacking true focus and using unnatural dialogs. My first year of teaching, I threw down the textbook and designed my own lessons. I did things the way I wanted a language class to be; karaoke, movies, history and games. It worked for me but did it work for the students? I am not sure, no teacher gives feedback, no data was charted, I left feeling that my classes were a complete joke.  

So this year, I put aside my prejudices and focused on the textbook. For most of the year, I just followed the book to the letter, occasionally bringing in games. Then I tried making my own worksheets using the information from the book but altering to reflect a more realistic touch. At one point, one of my coworkers stepped in to help me design a more participatory class lesson. (This one seemed to work the best!) But for all this work, I still feel like I am wearing the wrong label. Among my fellow ALTs, I am fine but to everyone else, I am "sensei" and I can't get over the feeling that without an official document verifying it. I am merely a vessel of false advertising.